Resuming

Yesterday, I woke up at 3:00am and drove myself and my deemed-worthy possessions exactly 444 miles in order to relocate myself once more. So now, here I am, graduated, far away from you and sitting in a room that smells like vanilla custard, trying to sum up my life. I am happy. Perhaps that is all I can offer at this particular moment. Happiness is a complicated thing. I think Naomi Shihab Nye says it well when she surmises:

It is difficult to know what to do with so much happiness.
With sadness there is something to rub against,
a wound to tend with lotion and cloth.
When the world falls in around you, you have pieces to pick up,
something to hold in your hands, like ticket stubs or change.

But happiness floats.
It doesn't need you to hold it down.
It doesn't need anything.
Happiness lands on the roof of the next house, singing,
and disappears when it wants to.
You are happy either way...
Everything has a life of its own,
it too could wake up filled with possibilities
of coffee cake and ripe peaches,
and love even the floor which needs to be swept...

Since there is no place large enough
to contain so much happiness,
you shrug, you raise your hands, and it flows out of you
into everything you touch. You are not responsible.
You take no credit, as the night sky takes no credit
for the moon, but continues to hold it, and share it,
and in that way, be known.

Maybe tomorrow I will search for words. For now, I am content just breathing in the happiness. Chest rising and falling with no external weight. Sigh. Goodnight.